Although their batters couldn’t hit a ball the size of Elaine Benes’ head, the signing of Andy Pettitte ensures the New York Yankees will enter 2013 with a solid pitching staff

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In stark contrast to “Bitch Tits” Alex Rodriguez, Andy Pettitte is a man for New York City.

Borderline Hall of Fame southpaw Andy Pettitte inked a one-year contract worth $12 million earlier this afternoon to return to Gotham and play with the Yankees in 2013.

Pettitte, a three-time All-Star who has captured five crowns in pinstripes, went 5-4 with a 2.87 ERA in 12 appearances last season despite being sidelined for three months after suffering a fractured fibula near his left ankle on June 27.

Almost immediately after New York was swept by the Detroit Tigers in the American League Championship Series, Yankees general manager Brian Cashman emphatically declared that resigning Pettitte was a top priority.

“As soon as the season was over, I spoke with Cash and he basically said, ‘As soon as you can, we want you back. I don’t know what you are going to do, but as soon as you decide, we want to sign you back,’” said Pettitte, 40, a member of the “Core Four” who was the winningest pitcher in the 2000s. “That obviously is huge for a player. For Cash to reach out to me and tell me that, you feel like the organization feels pretty good about bringing you back and feels pretty good about what you have done.”

The 6-foot-5, 225 pound Pettitte, whose 19 postseason victories are the most in Major League Baseball history, will serve as the third starter behind ace CC Sabathia and Hiroki Kuroda.

Upon returning from a one-year hiatus in March to perform in his 17th campaign, it quickly became evident that the towering Texan, who has amassed 245 wins, in comparison to a measly 142 losses, for a 3.86 ERA, remains a capable hurler.

Right-handers Phil Hughes, Ivan Nova and David Phelps will team with Sabathia, Kuroda and Pettite to complete the Yankees rotation.

Although pitching will always be a primary focus, the Yankees are seemingly blessed with a solid staff and bullpen.

On the contrary, and unfortunately for Bombers fans, the Yankees everyday lineup is comprised of shopworn geriatrics incapable of hitting a ball the size of Elaine Benes’ head during the month of October.

Hence, it is imperative for Cashman to recruit competent batters that can provide New York with a legitimate opportunity to capture their 28th World Series championship in franchise history next autumn.

Nevertheless, regardless of their obvious warts, the New York Yankees are more formidable with Andy Pettite and the pickoff artist will again be a welcome addition to One East 161st Street in the Bronx.

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