‘Bitch Tits’ Alex Rodriguez and five-tool bat cave Ryan Braun should accept their suspensions like men

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Supporting Alex Rodriguez or Ryan Braun is akin to cheering for the reemergence of polio.

Along with 20 other juiceheads, T.J. Quinn of ESPN’s Outside the Lines reports that Major League Baseball is ready to suspend Ryan Braun and Alex Rodriguez for 100 games within the next two weeks.

The 37-year-old Rodriguez and 29-year-old Braun were pinched frequenting an anti-aging clinic in Miami called Biogenesis.

Initially stonewalling investigators, founder Tony Bosch is now willing to acknowledge that “Bitch Tits” and the five-tool bat cave were valued Biogenesis customers.

Already fingered as a cheat in 2009, Rodriguez was set to return around August after undergoing the knife to repair a bummed left hip in January.

A visitor to the disabled list six times over the past six seasons, Rodriguez has five years and $114 million remaining on his contract from Lucifer.

Somewhat similarly, Braun found a technicality in January 2012 that overturned his banishment for doping.

Compiling 211 dingers, 1,147 hits and 678 RBI since debuting as a Brewer in May 2007, Milwaukee’s left fielder is a lying weasel deserving of a lengthy ban.

Lacking the morals and testicular fortitude to attempt thriving on the diamond naturally, Rodriguez and Braun are a duo of joysticks representing all that is wrong with America’s Pastime.

With appeals inevitable, commissioner Bud Selig would surely prefer to get stricken with herpes than see Braun or Rodriguez compete again in 2013.

For the betterment of the sport and their plummeting reputations, Alex Rodriguez and Ryan Braun should accept their fates and take being blacklisted like men.

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