‘Bitch Tits’ Alex Rodriguez will refuse to waive his no-trade clause and vacate Gotham

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Alex Rodriguez is not a man for New York City.

Days after the New York Yankees were swept by the Detroit Tigers in the American League Championship Series, shopworn, and juiceless, 10-time Silver Slugger Award winner Alex Rodriguez has promised to “be back” next season and will reportedly refuse to waive his no-trade clause.

The 37-year-old Rodriguez, who acquired the bynames “A-Fraud” and “Bitch Tits” for rampantly abusing synthetic testosterone, has five years and $114 million remaining on his contract.

Ever since Yankees manager Joe Girardi began benching former WWE Diva Torrie Wilson’s banging companion, speculation has mounted that Rodriguez will be shipped out of Gotham.

“Bitch Tits,” a notoriously bush league clutch performer who had the audacity to flirt with two floozies while the Bombers were losing a pivotal game against Detroit, batted a horrific .120 and whiffed 12 times in nine playoff games this autumn.

Rodriguez, a three-time AL MVP and known adulterer, has amassed 647 homers, 2,901 hits and 1,950 RBI since making his professional debut with the Seattle Mariners in July, 1994.

Despite compiling extraordinary regular season statistics, the 14-time All-Star, who was demoted to the eighth spot by the honorable Joe Torre in Game 4 of the Yankees’ ALDS loss to the Tigers in 2006, is simply substandard when even remotely pressurized.

Alex Rodriguez, who put needles in his ass to become the youngest ballplayer to ever crack 500 dingers, is simply the most overrated baseball player in the annals of the sport and, for the sake of the Yankees and whatever is left of his reputation, should welcome a departure from One East 161st Street in the Bronx.

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