Is Kate Upton a fat, Caucasian version of Precious?

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Sleeping on Kate Upton’s mammary glands would be dreamy.

Becoming the first model since Tyra Banks to appear on the periodical’s cover in consecutive years, top-heavy sexpot Kate Upton is again featured on the front of the 2013 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.

Despite being one of the most exquisite pieces of trim in the annals of mankind, the 5-foot-10, 130 pound Upton is often depicted as an overweight, Caucasian version of Precious.

Although receiving critiques from numerous outlets, www.skinnygossip.com has particularly proven it’s operated by gutless, yellow degenerates.

www.skinnygossip.com has long bashed Upton’s physique and published that the blond-haired, blue-eyed beauty is portly enough to compete on Oklahoma’s offensive line.

As Esquire’s “Woman of the Summer,” Upton, who previously banged porous New York Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez and is now being ravaged by Detroit Tigers pitcher Justin Verlander, was blessed with heavenly 34D pillows of joy.

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The beautiful waterfront serves as a backdrop for the gorgeous Kate Upton.

Upton’s enormous funbags, which likely comprise the bulk of her body weight, were prominently featured last spring when the stunner danced in floss to the song “Cat Daddy.”

The groundbreaking, and artistically alluring, recording went viral and garnered roughly 750,000 views in a mere day.

Unfortunately, Upton’s erotic boogie was temporarily banned from YouTube for breaching the website’s rules on smut.

Mercifully, the video-sharing site realized it was depriving upstanding people worldwide of wholesome pleasure and decided to permit the upload.

If Upton were skeletal muff, her wondrous rack wouldn’t be nearly as breathtaking as it is.

Thankfully, and honorably, the woman who played the scorching Sister Bernice in the 2012 comedy The Three Stooges hasn’t dignified the printings of bush league sites like www.skinnygossip.com.

SkinnyGossip.com was established, and is read, by subhuman cretins.

Kate Upton is an amazing box for the ages and the worthless site should be deactivated before dawn.

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