Juicehead David Ortiz understandably surmises that Bobby Valentine has ‘mental issues or needs medicine or something’


Bobby Valentine is likely a batshit loon.

A week after terminated Boston manager Bobby Valentine claimed that designated hitter David Ortiz quit on the Red Sox following the team’s blockbuster trade that essentially sealed its playoff fate, the juiced slugger said his former skipper has “mental issues or needs medicine or something.”

Ortiz, who made his Major League Baseball debut with the Minnesota Twins in September 1997 and inked a free agent contract with the Red Sox in January 2003, permanently shelved himself on August 24 after returning briefly from a strained right Achilles that was first suffered on July 18.

Valentine, an obnoxious blowhard who is akin to rooting for the reemergence of polio, contends the gapped tooth charlatan decided to abandon his teammates the day after Adrian Gonzalez, Josh Beckett, Carl Crawford and Nick Punto were shipped to Tinseltown to play for the Los Angeles Dodgers.

“He realized that this trade meant that we’re not going to run this race and we’re not even going to finish the race properly and he decided not to play anymore,” said Valentine, 62, who has amassed 1,186 wins, in comparison to 1,165 losses, for a mediocre .504 winning percentage since premiering as a manager in 1985 with the Texas Rangers. “I think at that time it was all downhill from there.”

In response, “Big Papi,” an eight-time All-Star and 2004 ALCS Most Valuable Player who has compiled the most ever dingers (401) and RBI (1,326) by a DH, rightfully bashed the unlikable clowns pocket.

“After he went on national TV to say what he said, he sent me a text message trying to tell me that it was the media trying to change things,” said Ortiz, 36, who recently accepted a two-year contract worth $26 million to remain on Yawkey Way. “I did not respond to the message and I said to myself, this guy must have some mental issues or needs medicine or something? I said, I am dealing with someone crazy and I am not going to drive myself crazy, so it is better if I leave it alone.”

Theo Epstein’s longtime bitch, general manager Ben Cherington, vehemently denied Valentine’s remarks as soon as they went public and defended Ortiz.

“I wouldn’t be trying to re-sign him if I had any concern about David’s commitment to baseball or to the Red Sox,” said Cherington, 38, who was sadly divorced by ESPN personality Wendi Nix in 2010. “During a trying year, David was a leader for us on and off the field. Unfortunately, an Achilles injury cut his season short. It was a tough break in a season full of tough breaks for us.”

Considering that Valentine is a comically pompous jackass who oversaw the Red Sox (69-93) worst season since 1966, it is safe to side with Cherington and Ortiz in this instance.

Ortiz, who became only the 49th player to crack 400 homers this past July, ultimately hit .318 with 23 home runs and 60 RBI in 90 games last season.

Granted, the Dominican-American is a cheating weasel who, along with his former village idiot of a teammate, Manny Ramirez, was revealed by The New York Times to be a member of approximately100 ballplayers that tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs in 2003.

Nevertheless, Ortiz, who Sports Illustrated named to its MLB All-Decade Team in 2009, is clearly one of the better hitters in the history of the sport.

In stark contrast to Ortiz, Valentine, although dealt a relatively poor roster and charged with the unenviable task of running a team comprised of brittle labia’s, is the primary reason the Sox floundered on the diamond.

David Ortiz is probably right to surmise that Bobby Valentine has serious “mental issues.”

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