New York Yankees laughingstock Alex Rodriguez threw a tantrum Wednesday and fled the Park Avenue offices of Major League Baseball upon hearing that commissioner Bud Selig didn’t have to testify at his grievance forum.
Already pinched as a cheat in 2009, Rodriguez is facing a 211-game suspension for frequenting an anti-aging clinic in Miami called Biogenesis.
Biogenesis founder Tony Bosch, who initially stonewalled investigators, acknowledges that “Bitch Tits” was a valued customer.
Even more damning, MLB reportedly has evidence that Rodriguez tried to buy medical records to destroy documents proving he purchased human growth hormone and other performance-enhancing substances.
Roughly four hours after erupting in anger, Rodriguez called WFAN 660 and whined about his plight.
“I’m so pissed off right now I can’t even think straight,” said Rodriguez, 38, a known adulterer who put countless needles in his ass to become the youngest batter to ever crack 500 dingers. “All I want to do is play baseball. This has been a disgusting process for everyone. I’m embarrassed to be involved in it.”
A visitor to the disabled list six times over the past six seasons, the three-time AL MVP then apparently conceded that his fate is sealed.
“I have no regrets,” said Rodriguez, an immortal clowns pocket who will inevitably file a civil suit. “I would do it again. It’s the system that is wrong.”
Rodriguez is a 10-time Silver Slugger Award winner who has amassed 654 homers, 2,939 hits and 1,969 RBI since debuting as a professional with the Seattle Mariners in July 1994.
However, somewhat sadly, Rodriguez primarily represents baseball’s ongoing juice epidemic.
Lacking the morals and testicular fortitude to thrive naturally, A-Rod has “embarrassed” the sport for nearly two decades.
If permitted to resurface on the diamond, Rodriguez will absolutely “do (steroids) again” and “have no regrets.”
Ultimately, Selig is moot and nothing more than a figurehead in this “disgusting process.”
Alex Rodriguez has never played “straight” and he’s on the brink of becoming Gotham’s villain of yesteryear.by