Rather than being a man and retiring, ‘Bitch Tits’ Alex Rodriguez will return from hip surgery and continue stealing money from the New York Yankees’ brass in 2013

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Please, just go away, A-Rod!

Shopworn, and juiceless, 10-time Silver Slugger Award winner Alex Rodriguez will undergo surgery on his left hip and likely won’t return to the diamond until roughly the All-Star break.

The 37-year-old Rodriguez, who acquired the bynames “A-Fraud” and “Bitch Tits” for rampantly abusing synthetic testosterone, has a torn labrum, bone impingement and a cyst.

Rodriguez, a three-time AL MVP and known adulterer who has amassed 647 homers, 2,901 hits and 1,950 RBI since making his professional debut with the Seattle Mariners in July, 1994, has been to the disabled list on six occasions in the past six seasons and also underwent surgery on his right hip in March 2009.

“It is a more complicated surgery with a longer recovery time because there is a little bit more that needs to be done,” Yankees general manager Brian Cashman said. “I don’t think it’s age related. Butt at the same time, the older you are, the slower you’re going to recover regardless. But the bottom line and the message I’ve been receiving is that this is a solvable issue.”

Interestingly, Cashman didn’t dismiss the notion that steroids may be causing Rodriguez’s countless ailments.

“They’re not your typical injuries,” said Cashman of Rodriguez, who admitted in 2009 that he used steroids while with the Texas Rangers from 2001-03. “But, It doesn’t matter what I wonder.”

“Bitch Tits,” a notoriously bush league clutch performer who had the audacity to flirt with two floozies while the Bombers were losing a pivotal game against the Detroit Tigers in October’s American League Championship Series, is baseball’s priciest player at $275 million and has five years and $114 million remaining on his contract.

Former WWE Diva Torrie Wilson’s banging companion, who batted a horrific .120 and whiffed 12 times in nine playoff games this autumn, has promised to “be back” next season and refused to waive his no-trade clause.

Rodriguez, a 14-time All-Star who put needles in his ass to become the youngest ballplayer to ever crack 500 dingers, should be a man and retire to save himself from further embarrassment.

Unfortunately, Rodriguez, simply the most overrated baseball player in the annals of the sport, lacks the testicular fortitude to depart One East 161st Street in the Bronx.

Hence, to the chagrin of Yankees fans worldwide, “this is a solvable issue” and Alex Rodriguez will return to Gotham and continue stealing money from the Bombers’ brass in 2013.

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