Thrilling knowledgeable Yankees fans everywhere, Brian Cashman says Alex Rodriguez could miss the entire 2013 season

Unfortunately, Jason Varitek couldn’t manage to behead “Bitch Tits.”

Although reportedly undergoing successful surgery on January 16 to repair a torn labrum, bone impingement and cyst in his left hip, New York Yankees general manager Brian Cashman said clown’s pocket Alex Rodriguez could miss the entire 2013 season.

The 37-year-old Rodriguez, who acquired the bynames “A-Fraud” and “Bitch Tits” for rampantly abusing synthetic testosterone, has visited the disabled list six times over the past six seasons and also had his right hip fixed in March 2009.

“I can’t say it’s not possible that he won’t be back,” said Cashman, 45, whose overseen four World Series championships with the Yankees since becoming the team’s GM in February 1998. “I think because [of] the serious nature of the surgery and the condition that he’s trying to recover from, you know, there is that chance.”

It was long believed that Rodriguez, a three-time AL MVP and known adulterer who has amassed 647 homers, 2,901 hits and 1,950 RBI since making his professional debut with the Seattle Mariners in July, 1994, would slither back to Gotham sometime around the All-Star break.

“Best case scenario, yeah he should be back,” Cashman said. “Worst case scenario, he won’t be back, or there might be something in between.”

To replace the shopworn, and now juiceless, 10-time Silver Slugger Award winner at third base, Cashman inked Red Sox turncoat Kevin Youkilis to a one-year contact worth $12 million in December.

“Bitch Tits,” a notoriously bush league clutch performer who had the audacity to flirt with two floozies while the Bombers were losing a pivotal game against the Detroit Tigers in October’s American League Championship Series, is baseball’s priciest player at $275 million and has five years and $114 million remaining on his contract.

Torrie Wilson’s banging companion, who batted a horrific .120 and whiffed 12 times in nine playoff games last autumn, is apparently determined to comeback and has refused to waive his no-trade clause.

Rodriguez, a 14-time All-Star who put needles in his ass to become the youngest ballplayer to ever crack 500 dingers, should be a man and retire to save himself from further embarrassment on the diamond.

Unfortunately, Rodriguez, simply the most overrated baseball player in the annals of the sport, lacks the testicular fortitude to depart One East 161st Street in the Bronx with even a hint of grace.

Therefore, to the chagrin of knowledgeable Yankees fans everywhere, Alex Rodriguez will “be back” in pinstripes this summer.

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