“Take the statue down or we will.”

Jackass Penn State University senior students Mike Elliot and Kevin Berkon announced yesterday they would attempt to protect the on-campus statue of immoral, terminated and deceased Nittany Lions head coach Joe Paterno from potential vandals.

The wannabe badass undergraduates chose to flex their muscles after a plane flew over University Park on Tuesday with a banner that read: “Take the statue down or we will.”

Paterno, a five-time AFCA Coach of the Year who died at the age of 85 of complications from lung cancer on January 22, went an astounding 409–136–3 coaching the navy, blue and white from 1966 until 2011.

Unfortunately, despite his success on the gridiron, Paterno proved to be one of the more villainous and reprehensible individuals in the history of sports.

The bespectacled Brooklynite clearly enabled sinister defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky to sexually abuse children and it’s unforgivable that Paterno would protect a pedophile to maintain Penn State’s sparkling image.

Although the most victorious college football coach ever did not personally rape kids, the graduate of Brown University was smart enough to know he was teaming with a notorious predator.

Mike Elliot and Kevin Berkon are moronic youngsters who evidently only care about Penn State athletics.

Sadly for the dimwitted duo, they badly lack the physicality to guard a symbol of evil.

“Take the statue down or we will.”

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